Love From The Beginning
Love from the Beginning
I had travelled half way round the world, to find myself in a quiet pub in Edmonton. I was young and carefree. I had no intentions of what was to come next. A cute girl had just walked in to the bar with a friend of hers. She had the best smile I had ever seen and I knew I had to talk to her. I can't explain how she made me feel for the next 12 days I spent with her. I had been away from home for 4 months and was so excited to be going home.
That ended up being one of the hardest things I have had to do. I left the country wondering what was it that I was leaving behind.I had been in love before but this was different, this girl made me feel invincible. The next 18 months were difficult, we talked often but the reality had kicked in and I couldn't see how it would ever work, all I knew was I had to see her again.
I took some leave and flew back to her. Nothing had changed we fell into each others arms like we hadn't spent a day apart. The next year or so was like some fantasy. I had finally bought her to Australia. We were inseparable. I knew this was the girl for me and when the time came for her to leave I knew I would be going with her.
We were in love and just couldn't get enough of being with each other, but there was still the fear of the unknown and where we would end up. It didn't take long before we had to start discussing marriage.
It was the only way we could stay together. This scared me more than I could ever imagine and I did something I'm not proud of. I returned home scared of the future and the unknown.
The next month or so changed me. I started focusing on what I had and what I had left behind. I flew back knowing that I would become a husband and I would have her. I never grasped the enormity of the situation when I asked her to move back with me. I never fully understood the family ties she had it was very foreign to me.
Over the next few years life was great we were planning a family and buying a house I felt on top of the world. It's hard to describe when things started to turn bad but it was when kids came on the scene. I was too caught up with my own life and failed when I was needed the most. We began to grow apart from there, I wasn't supporting her the way she deserved and needed me too. We had always smoked marijuana as long as we had known each other.
It was fun and we always had a good time. Now it was just making me angry and depressed. I relied on it to function and it began to change me.
Reflecting on the last couple of years is really hard and foreseeing the future is by far worse. I have been a fool for letting things get so far out of control. To find out my wife is so unhappy with us humbles me in ways I have never felt before. I want to fight for her, I want to keep her with me, but I have been selfish for far too long.
The last few weeks have been by far the hardest I have ever encountered. The countless tears and fear she will leave me, I can't be responsible for ruining her life any longer and I feel I can no longer give her what she needs. I will continue to try but I fear it is too little too late.